I had

When I had her. When she had me. We held. We cleaved. It is here. We were. We are. She touched me. We felt. It was.  


Well now, this baby is past egghood, and is still being well looked after by its mother. This is a live feed from Georgia, (U.S.) Reminds me of the hard work of those early days. http://www.georgiawildlife.com/berryeaglecam

Making and stitching

I am trying to make a tiny glove. I began a prototype yesterday, knitted on thin darners (perhaps 1.00 mm). This is difficult. I feel like the girl given impossible tasks in the Baba Yaga tales.    


Listen to this. It may look like your child, but it may be a changeling. It might suddenly speak to you with a man’s voice. You may come in from the kitchen to find it smoking a fag. A stepmother … Continued

I Fear

I Fear.  Fearfully at times, I receive the news. War in the Crimea. Violence.  Violence. A young soldier hacked to death by British Muslims, and their cursing of us all, from the dock. When she was very little, I imagined … Continued

When a Mother Murders

A woman who harms is difficult to look at, as though something shadowy can be blinding. I had a phase of depression about six years ago, characterised by looking at bad stuff on the internet. The internet can be a … Continued

Modus Operandi

Put the kettle on as soon as you arrive. Her snack; she will eat it sitting on the commode. Peeled fruit in the fridge. The herb tea. Rice cakes with bean pate. Cut the wet, brown parts off. She pees … Continued

The Real Beauty Advice Column

The Real Beauty Advice Column. For mothers, older mothers, and women who are rather tired and who are artists, and who are not very perfect.   Q: Polycystic ovaries, endometriosis and cortisone have left me rather hairy. Perhaps it was … Continued

Just before I had her

Just before I had her Before her heart was inside my body, two heartbeats in there, I had experiences of which she will never know. She isn’t very curious about me. She doesn’t ask.